1 to go

I hardly seems possible.  Posting this post.  I am so eager for it to be true that I am sure it isn't true!
Yesterday, Ainslie did her second to last chemo treatment.  Which means she only has 1 more to go!!!  So, 3 weeks from now she will be getting her very last treatment- we hope and pray! 

This second half of treatment has gone by much more quickly than I thought it would.  It is really hard to believe we have been doing this for 6 months and in a few weeks we will pretty much be done! 
Even though the 2nd half has gone quicker, the treatments have been much more harsh, making her feel yuckier.  She has thrown up on almost every treatment because they are so much stronger and they have made her more tired for days after.  The good news is that they are only every 3 weeks, so she has had time to recover in between.  This has really been good since it has been summertime and she has been able to enjoy it more.  She has also been able to maintain her weight better, allowing her to come off of the appetite stimulant she was on.  She still gains a little here, loses a little there, but overall she has maintained, which is great news!

The 1st half of treatment was a blur for me, and I am ashamed to say I didn't document it well.  Our whole family shifted to "survival' mode (no pun intended).  Each person just surviving their day, only to wake up for another one.  I cannot speak for Nick, but I simply focused on what HAD to be done, and gave a crap less about the rest :)  Get McKyrie to school- check, Brecken to a sitter- check, Ainslie to treatment- check, perscriptions refilled-check, important school events attended-check.
I know somewhere in there I did some laundry and made a few meals, but for the most part, our dear family and friends saw to that part.  I have no recollection of the cat or dog being fed, I can only assume they were.  Floors got swept a few times, but certainly not as much as they needed it, and thankfully our vehicles stayed in tact because I don't remember changing the oil or doing any other maintenance on them- I am sure we did though.  Like I said, "survival" mode.

This 2nd half has been more about healing.  We feel confident at this point that the cancer is gone, not to say that it can't come back, but that as of now it isn't in her body.  We have been trying to do more as a family- focusing on doing it with all of us together.  That being said, we have also separated the girls a bit for the Summer.  One going somewhere while the other stays home.  It has really helped them appreciate each other a bit more.  Jealousy is a hard thing to work through, understandably :)  Nick and I have been able to spend more time with just each other- going on dates like we used to, and we even took a long weekend away with some friends- a trip that was both MUCH needed for my sanity, and bit hard for me as I had to leave the kids behind.
 Healing is a funny word to me- I don't feel broken or seriously ill, just cracked a bit- less organized, less aware of what is going on around me, .....older!  I was telling my dad one day that I feel like I have really aged from this whole adventure.  He thinks we all have... lol!  It's like we are suddenly 80 years old and we know what the meaning to life is (even though we don't) , I feel like I have lived many years in 6 months, if that makes any sense!

The next phase is what I think about now.  No more weekly visits to the Doc, where I get reassured that all is going well.  Does eveything just go back to the way it was before she had cancer?  Will we soon forget she ever even had it and that we had one hell of a crazy year? She will still be doing scans every 3 months for the next 2 to 3 years, which will help ease my concerns.  School will start soon and life probably will just go back to normal-whatever that is haha.  I look forward to it I think.  But mostly I look for to 1 last treatment!!